what do you like most about emily?
i just have no words to accurately describe what i feel about emily. emily embodies many of the qualities that i appreciate but none of them are really that important to our relationship or to why i love her. i feel her sensitivity and her intelligence in my life everyday and i feel blessed being next to her but i will always love her simply because i desire to. perhaps, what i am really trying to say is that,
there is no real reason to love anyone. there is no real reason i love emily, i cannot even say there are a mix of reasons because there really aren’t and that is not accurate to how i truly feel about her.
sometimes, it feels like my life is an exploration of understanding how i feel - exploring these feelings deeper, understanding the idea of commitment, of love and of my desires. everyday i live, i scratch the surface a little on what i am experiencing. i understand more and more the depths of myself and my desires. maybe i will understand one day why i love emily, but i will also admit, there does exist a pragmatism in me that once i fully understand the nature of what me and emily share, it will cease to exist.
every day me and emily live, our relationship is a little different, it is growing, moving, further and sometimes closer in different ways. i think if i can ever define what we share, it would mean that there is a reason why i love her. and i think loving anyone or anything because that person or thing is kind, or thoughtful, or beautiful, or intelligent is superficial. once it has a destination, an ending, it is a material. it is of this world - a world that is transcient, and there’s more than enough of these things in the world already.
maybe love is really just the antidote to the material world. not that love is timeless, but it just does not exist on that plane of thought at all. there is no sense of time because there is no front or back - only exists, the moment we live in. maybe i will never really find the meaning of love but every day and every moment i will live and feel, devoid of any care for a future reward, dreaming, hoping, loving with all my existence and all my heart.